Sunday, 12 February 2017

Dependency and taking a break

I have a friend, I think we all have one like this, who posts cryptic poor me me me messages on facebook and otherwise picture perfect family snaps. Think Cath Kidston on acid.

The posts are generally about, but not confined to:

What a general waste of space her husband is and how she has to do EVERYTHING.
How she is ill (never serious).
How she is tired because she (chooses to be) is super mum.
How hard done by she is by some other mums who do not appreciate her offspring
+67 images of a walk in the woods/party/craft activity all in matching Boden jumpers.

Most posts are followed by multiply exclamation marks!!!! And are passive aggressive in nature, eg "lucky I always wanted to be a single mum!!!!! #not #whydoihavetodoeverythingarounghere" "AWESOME FAMILY WALK!!!!!! #lovemyhubbyeventhoughIplannedallthiswithnohelpasusuallolnot"

I don't follow her but do remain friends. She is delightful in real life.

The comments that ensue are the usual "*hugs* hun xoxoxoxo"

And I always wonder what everybody really thinks. I wonder about the complicit nature of feeding this self absorbed attention seeking. How it feeds a culture of believing we are special, different, unique, entitled.

I don't think we are any of those things. I thought I'd expect my mother to be the sole benefactor of those beliefs about me, but I am a mother, and I don't think those things about my daughter.

I suppose she does it to provide validation for her choices and behaviour. I think she may suffers with low self esteem so compensates with Peter perfect Facebook family life snaps. She lives the life she wishes she could have, via FB.

Most of us of course do all of the above too, to a greater or lesser degree. I enjoy likes, comments, love hearts lighting up when I engage in social media. I also find I get annoyed, angry, compulsive in using it. This is to the detriment of the great book I am half way through, or the conversation with my husband I half pay attention to, whilst gazing at a glowing screen.

I transfer dependence. From drinking, to chocolate, to social media. I have decided I need to take a break from this virtual world and spend more time in my real world. I'm taking a break from blogging. For how long I'm not sure, but I need to stop composing the next post in my head when I should be composing a conversation with my friends and my family. I need to live in real life and see how sobriety is without my blog as a crutch. I know I won't drink. I may find I need this space and spring back soon. Who knows. But for now,



  1. I know what you mean about Facebook. It is strange you write this today because yesterday I was coming up with a plan to only go on FB once a week. It truly is a waste of time and I would like to delete my profile altogether.

    I hope you come back here soon though, and glad you won't drink.

  2. I sure understand!
    In fact, it's a problem for so many people.
    My hubs had to have a little talk with me, about putting the phone down to pay attention to him.
    So now I do.
    I wish you fun in your real world life!!
    Much Love,

  3. Great to hear it (no exclamation mark)
    I have always maintained that FB is not only the biggest timewaster introduced to mankind, but also strongly believe it is misused and abused by 95% of all that use it. (I put 5% in the ones that genuinely use it to keep in touch with o/s family)
    My theory comes from listening to grizzling friends saying "Jennifer is mad with me - I know this because she hasn't like a single one of my posts lately" and "Ange always looks great but in real life..." and "oh look at all things the Smiths are doing" I say how do you know to all of this and get a very serious response "oh Michelle of course I am sure, I saw it on Facebook" Like this is absolute FACT.
    Nutters really all of them (sorry xx)
    I don't have FB but I used to years ago. It is only the outershell of how a person wants to be valued by others... it's really dangerous. Imagine adding alcohol and depression to all of this.

    The lovely Wendy and Anne said to me a while back "comparison is the thief of happiness" or something similar. How can you compare yourself to a fantasy and not feel a bit yuck.
    There are so many many other things to do than trawling through social media and going to bed feeling yuck.
    I really hope when you have calmed the FB/Social Media addiction down you can still write your blog xx You help many many people SP - people like me. That is NOT a waste of time.
    Big hug Michelle xxx

  4. I'm a reluctant social media user, but see how it can be addictive. This said, I wouldn't have got as far as I have without the sobersphere, so it has its positive uses. Thank you for your support and now go and enjoy your real life in the knowledge that I'm sure many like me wish you well, but hope, in time, to hear from you again.