I have been on holiday. No data, no wifi. I had countless meals out, countless country pub visits. I was beginning to feel like I was clinging on for dear life. I existed sober. I sat in restaurants realising I simply wished for the night to end so I could get out and get away. I grew sick of watching others drink. I grew sick of Diet Coke and bloody water. I thought the other day that what is the point of all this if all I am doing is marking time, with no enjoyment and no shared pleasure.
I have not drunk alcohol, but I feel like I'm in my first month again. I want to drink but I know I cannot have it. I have enough experience to know this will pass and I will be ok. I know I will be happy. I know I will be grateful that I did not drink. But right now I feel flat, joyless and like I am treading water, waiting for life to happen.
So my aim for the next month is to get the joy back. I hit a year soon and am concern that with a one year sober target achieved I will feel even more shitty and meh!
I have no idea how to get the joy back. I fear that I might need to make some very big changes to my life in order to do this. That frightens me and I think the fear of change has lead to an inertia and the slump of joylessness I find myself in.
I hope all you love sober (or not) sisters are doing well, let me know below xxxxxx