Friday, 2 June 2017

Hello, I'm here! Again FFS.

Just read sober mummy's post and thought I'd say hello. I'm still here!

Second time around the block now. I am over a year and I am like meh! Done that already, you mean I have to do it again, but without the fanfare and pat on the back of being sober?!

Eg I went to the annual fancy lunch with hats, and toasts, and Lord Mayor of London and all the things yesterday. LAST year I was all LOOK AT ME FUCKERS I CAN DO THIS SOBER, HELL YESSSS!!!! Well done me etc etc etc.

Now it's like oh I STILL have to do this sober? Ok right, look at me, anyone? Anyone?

The abnormal is becoming normal.

I think year two is about dealing with THAT.

All the same shit, but sober.

Quitting drink makes nothing go away. In fact it makes everything rush up at you in your face, it won't fuck the fuck off, it sticks around now you don't have your booze stick to beat it away.

On balance I like dealing with all this and feeling stronger and wiser (!), but when I feel low or fragile I hate it and want my mummy and a cuddle and all that.

Now I'm off. I have to go and be sober somewhere, again! FFS.

7 comments:

  1. I like feeling wiser and stronger too.
    I don't NEED to drink anything away, which of course is a lie anyway.
    I'd still have to deal with the issues, only hangover, which is really not fun!
    Fancy event you went to!
    We do everything in jeans over here!
    I did buy 2 really cute sundresses, though!
    I hope you have a good weekend!
    xo
    Wendy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for commenting Wendy! Xx

      Delete
  2. So cool - just talking to my daughter about what happen when you reach a year.....
    you just do it again :)
    Awesome xx
    Michelle :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep you do it all over !! Practice makes perfect 😄 Xx

      Delete
  3. I can relate to this so much, I felt the flatness after a year or two. Everyone was drinking around me and then somehow conveniently 'forgot' the hell drinking caused me and thought I was overreacting. I started drinking again and felt such relief. It reinforced the idea that it was fun and I managed to moderate for a while. Then the tolerance increased and I ended up right back where I was. I did this over the course of 10 years. Long sober stretches with long drunk stretches in between. It’s true that being sober gets ‘old’ after the initial novelty wears off and then you are left to deal with the same shit. Some social things trigger me massively and I think it’s because societies brainwashing (that alcohol is necessary to have a good time) is there all the time. We are being fed these subliminal messages by our friends, our peers & advertising. The other thing I am trying this time is to change the way I am in the world. The last couple of times I tried to live the exact same life but sober and that didn’t work. I don’t go to social things just because I ‘used to go’ I make sure its something I am really interested in doing otherwise it really is hell to sit through it sober. Life gets harder in a way when you aren’t drinking because you are aware of everything, small annoyances are amplified. Sometimes I just want the wine to make at all go away. Anyway I’m rambling, what I am trying to say in a very long winded way is I know how you feel☺ xxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for your comment! Your insight is very valuable right now, I appreciate it xxx

      Delete
  4. At 3 1/2 years I still marvel at the joy and peace of sobriety.
    I spend quite a bit of energy cultivating an sbiloty to be. To just be content, still, at ease.
    I have dealt neither severe anxiety, depression, regular life and traumatic events.
    In the end I recognize I get through them all because I'm sober, clearheaded and open minded.

    I can't say I find much flatness. I'm too busy pushing my way to a stage at a rock concert or in savasana.

    Just keep building your sober life. You are missing nothing.
    Anne

    ReplyDelete