Just having a check in to blog my thoughts. I've been busy working and being out and about and haven't been spending too much time in the sober sphere recently.
I am feeling very happy to be alive at the moment. I am enjoying very simple things, nature, being outdoors, walking, riding my bike etc.
I am learning that being an introvert is not something I have to apologise for. I realise that my need to be alone sometimes, or my struggle with socialising a lot is not a failing or a weakness. It is how I am, it is who I am, and it is ok.
I have never thought much about introvertion before. I have been called shy when younger, but I am not shy, I am just not interested in engaging with others sometimes, so I stay quiet or stay away. I can only 'small talk' in small quantities, then I wish to exit. I realise alcohol helped me do the socialising and the small talking and I have found attempts to do this to the same extent sober very challenging. I am now ready to accept that I do not need to carry on the way I was drunk, now I am sober. I can chose what I do.
I feel more whole and I have flashes that this is enough. What I mean is that I am enough, just as I am. I suppose it is contentment with myself. I am not content with a lot of other things though!
I loved Michelle's post about humans wanting to get high, and alcohol being the only "legitimate" way to do this. It's so true, and just marketing BS. I still think the people I know who think it's funny to get really drunk are fucking idiots and I cannot believe I used to behave like that and believe the hype about booze being great fun.
I saw a gin scented room spray in a gift shop this week, and gin hand cream. I have been offered wine every day this week at events I have attended. I have been assured by strangers that "not to worry, after the day you've had, you can treat yourself to a big glass of wine." I have mentally silently yelled "fuck the fuck off you fucking bores. Can't you think of anything more interesting to offer or say?" Before I introvert again and realise all that matters is how I behave, not how others choose to.